How to increase libido during menopause

In our society, we've practically learned that menopause is primarily a negative experience. We immediately think of hot flashes, lying awake for hours, and somewhere in the back of our minds, the thought: it'll all be worse afterward. Especially when it comes to sex and libido.

But what if we approach this phase differently? Not as the end of something, but as a transition to a new phase. A period in which your body changes, yes, but in which you can also experience more freedom, peace, and individuality.

Research shows that good information and a less threatening view of menopause are linked to less stress and a better quality of life. And when you feel better mentally and physically, there's often more room for desire. (1)

In this article, I'll explain step by step how you can gently and consciously increase your libido during menopause and rediscover what suits you.

I will also tell you about what happens in your body, which factors play a role and which steps really help to support your sexual energy.

A changing libido doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It means your body is entering a new phase. A shift is taking place physically, mentally, and energetically. By understanding what's really happening, you can approach this period with more compassion.

Research shows that women can often cope better with menopause when there is more understanding and acceptance . (1)

Clear, honest knowledge helps with this: if you know what changes in this phase, you can usually approach your complaints with more gentleness and realism.

So let's look step by step at the causes of a decreased (or changed) libido during menopause.

As you age, your body changes and this can also affect your libido:

• Fatigue or joint pain can reduce your sense of purpose and comfort.
• A changing body image – can hold you back, while gentleness and self-care often help you open up again

In conversations with women I often hear: “I may not feel like it as often, but when I really make room for it, it feels richer than before.”

Besides hormones, your thoughts, emotions, and life experiences play a major role. Many women experience a growth in self-knowledge during this phase. This can deepen your sexuality, but sometimes it can also temporarily slow it down.

• You let go of old roles - often you start to feel more of what you need.
• Stress, worries or busyness – can dampen desire, but more space and softness can make it blossom again. 
• Intimacy often takes on a broader meaning – not just sex, but also touch, rest, connection and safety.

Whether you call it "spiritual," "inner work," or simply "taking better care of yourself," it doesn't really matter. What matters is that you can use this phase to get closer to yourself. And your sexuality can evolve along with it.

The steps below are based on scientific research, but also reflect what many women experience in practice.

It concerns advice and tips that support your body and that help you listen to yourself better in this phase.

If sex is painful or uncomfortable, it's perfectly understandable that your desire for sex decreases. That's why libido during menopause often starts with something very basic: comfort.

Use a good lubricant

Preferably choose a water-based lubricant, for example, one with aloe vera or hyaluronic acid. This type of lubricant is usually gentle on the vaginal mucosa and is often found to be helpful for dryness or sensitivity.

Lubricant is intended to reduce friction during sex and can thus contribute to greater comfort. (2)

Pelvic floor training

Pelvic floor exercises (alternating between contracting and relaxing) help improve sensation and control of the muscles around the pelvis and vagina. They are often used in practice for pelvic floor complaints and during sex. (3)

A pelvic floor physiotherapist can guide you if you experience pain or are unsure whether you are doing the exercises in the right way for you.

Medical option (via your doctor)

Sometimes a doctor will use local estrogen therapy, for example in the form of a vaginal cream, tablet or ring. This is done under medical supervision. (4)

If you want to know whether this is right for you, it is best to discuss this with your GP or gynaecologist.

Exercise plays a major role in how you feel physically. Many women report that regular exercise helps them feel more energetic, stable, and confident, and this often has a positive impact on their sexual well-being.

Strength training twice a week for 20-30 minutes

Strength training helps keep your muscles active and supports a strong, stable posture. This can contribute to how you see yourself and how you move in your body during intimacy.

Aim for 20–30 minutes twice a week of simple exercises such as squats, lunges, hip bridges, and light weights or resistance bands. (8)(9)

Walk 20 minutes daily (or do a short yoga session)

Gentle forms of exercise, such as walking or yoga, are often used to reduce stress and get more in touch with your body. (10)

Many women find that they feel less “in their head” after a walk or yoga session.

When your libido changes, it helps to think of intimacy as more than just sex. Intimacy often comes from mindfulness: slowly, without haste, without a goal.

Many women notice that they feel more relaxed and happy once the pressure is off.

Talk to each other

Relationship research shows that couples who communicate more openly and qualitatively about sex are, on average, more satisfied with their relationship and sex life and are more likely to report more positive sexual function. (11)(12)

The point isn't to solve everything, but to coordinate things together. For example, discuss together:

• what you need now to feel relaxed
• what you like in terms of touch
• what your partner can do to give you more peace and security

Let go of the idea of ​​“how it should be”

Sometimes it takes a while to find what connects you and your partner, and that can (and should) be different than what you're used to. Rediscover the joy of being intimate together, without it necessarily leading to sex.

Anything that helps you feel connected counts. This could be anything, such as:

• massage each other
• going to the sauna together
• lie close together on the couch
• shower together

This is also evident from research: studies describe that couples who touch each other lovingly more often, for example by hugging or kissing, often feel more satisfied with their relationship and sex life. (13)

Research shows that how you view your body plays a significant role in your sexual experience. Studies of women during and after menopause have shown that body image is an important factor, along with hormonal changes. (14)(15)

It's not about perfect self-love, but about looking at yourself more gently .

Here are some ideas for you:

• Wear clothes that make you feel sensual – not for others, but for your own energy.
• Create small rituals for yourself – think of a nice oil or music that helps you relax.
• Be gentler with yourself – menopause doesn't mark a slowing down, but a new life cycle in which your body changes. Try to find acceptance in this. Sometimes it helps to talk about it with other women.

Many women experience greater authenticity and individuality during this time. Sensuality changes with age, but it doesn't disappear; it often deepens. You can discover which form of it resonates with you now.

In many traditions, women have used plants and herbs for generations during periods of hormonal change. Modern research on these herbs is still ongoing, and due to regulations, I cannot (yet) make any promises about their effectiveness.

However, it can be interesting to delve into it if you want to support your body in the most natural way possible.

Menopause Premium is an example of a natural supplement that includes:

• Monk's pepper (Vitex agnus castus) – a classic women's herb from the Mediterranean region
• Black cohosh (Cimicifuga racemosa) – traditionally used during menopause
• Chinese angelica (dong quai) – known from traditional Chinese herbal medicine
• Isoflavones from hops – plant substances (phytoestrogens)
• Vitamins such as B6, D3 and folic acid

Consider herbs and vitamins as a possible addition to the basics: good nutrition, sleep, exercise and stress reduction.

If in doubt about the use of supplements, always discuss them with your doctor or dietician.

Menopause is not necessarily the end of your sexuality, but often a phase in which desire changes form.

Your body reacts differently to stimuli during menopause due to (among other things): fluctuating estrogen levels , fatigue , dry mucous membranes (and therefore pain during sex). But your head and heart also play a role.

That can make you feel insecure, especially in a society that often links menopause with negative images.

However, this period doesn't have to be determined solely by hormones; your own choices and kindness to yourself play just as much of a role.

In this article you can read how you, as a woman, can support your libido during menopause, namely by:

• First to provide comfort and less pain
• Taking rest and sleep more seriously
• To move rhythmically and powerfully
• Seeing intimacy more broadly than just sex
• To look at your own body more gently
• Natural supplement with herbal extracts

Increasing your libido during menopause is not about “going back to how it was”, but about exploring what suits you now.

Desire is not a fixed form; it moves with your life.

The better you understand yourself and the more honestly you listen to your boundaries and needs, the greater the chance that sexuality will find a place in this phase that suits who you are now.

Sources used

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2. Sarmento, ACA, Costa, APF, Lírio, J., Eleutério, J., Jr, Baptista, PV, & Gonçalves, AK (2022). Efficacy of Hormonal and Nonhormonal Approaches to Vaginal Atrophy and Sexual Dysfunctions in Postmenopausal Women: A Systematic Review. Revista Brasileira Ginecologia E Obstetrícia, 44(10), 986–994.  https://doi.org/10.1055/s-0042-1756148
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